My Candle Burns at Both Ends

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But, ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--
It gives a lovely light.

--Edna St. Vincent Millay

"My duty is never measured by what I feel is within my power to do,
but by what God's grace enables me to do."

--Andrew Murray

"A Christian poet of a bygone generation wrote a rather long hymn around a single idea: You can, by three little words, turn every common act of your life into an offering acceptable to God. The words are 'For Thy sake'....."

--A.W. Tozer

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it, but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.

--Luke 9:24

I am a slow-paced person and my desire for a meditative life has been strong enough to enable me say "no" to many extraneous activities. I stepped out of my career when I was in my late 20's and ordered my life in such a way as to keep afternoons free for Bible reading, writing, and prayer. My candle burned steady & slow.

My 4th decade found me with 4 children under the age of 6. The quiet, meditative life was a thing of the past but the habits of that life lingered. I dropped nearly all outside ministries and commitments and allowed my little light to burn at home. Period.

Now in my 50's, I am acutely aware that my candle is no longer a tall taper. I could spare the wax so as to make the flame last a little longer, but for the first time in my life I feel the strong urgency to do just the opposite: to burn the candle at both ends.

In my roles as wife, mother, teacher, and friend my energies are constantly being poured out. Once, I would have resented the lavishness of the expenditure. Now I see that the unreserved burning creates the vacuum into which God may whoosh! send the fresh oxygen of His Holy Spirit to renew the brightness of the burning.

Sunday is often the day that happens for me. I'm truly learning what it means to rest spiritually on that day.

Lord, keep me burning till the break of day.

Ideas Have Consequences Chapter 6: The Spoiled Child Psychology

We've all met the spoiled child at the grocery store. He's the cute toddler who spies the red sucker at the check-out counter and wants it. Now. Pointing to it with his chubby finger, he announces his desire to his mother. "No," she says, and tries to distract him. The child's demand becomes louder, more insistent. The tired-looking mother beseeches his help in unloading the cart, but to no avail. She becomes more and more embarrassed as the drama increases: the child reddens, throws himself weeping on the ground, and kicks his feet. With an exasperated sigh, his harried Mother capitulates. The child gets up and takes his reward. His stormy demeanor has been transformed to a sunny smile. The crisis has been averted--temporarily.

Why is the grocery store the typical setting for such a scene? Because it it the place where needs/wishes can be instantly gratified. The spoiled child receives a tangible reward without expending himself to work for it.

Richard Weaver observes that city life breeds and reinforces the spoiled-child mindset in a myriad of ways. The artificial atmosphere of city life breaks the link between effort and reward. There is no hunting, gardening, or chopping of wood needed because goods can be obtained through a complicated and little understood means of exchange. As the child becomes accustomed to comfort without discipline, he naturally assumes that he deserves to be gratified. He is a consumer rather than a contributor. When he grows up, his inflated sense of self worth causes him to feel that the world owes him a living. In Weaver's words:

"The city renders sterile."

The benefit of hard work can hardly be disputed. When a man has a sense of mission, he willingly bends his back to difficult tasks in order to carry them out. His work is a joy. It is therapeutic, too, providing him with a vision bigger than self and giving a reason for self-discipline. Reward becomes sweet because it doesn't come easy and it doesn't come cheap.

What happens when a whole society shifts from a rural to an urban culture? There is a decrease in self discipline, a decline in the work ethic and hardness of individuals. That society ceases to produce true heroes, because there is no longer an arena in which they must struggle for survival. Heroes cannot be made in a place of comfort and softness.

Perhaps the greatest challenge confronting Western culture, in Weaver's words, will be to

"overcome the spoiled-child psychology sufficiently to discipline for struggle."

He points his finger at science, the tool of "progress" that has made life easy and the "stereopticon" (media) that has actively brainwashed people into being mere consumers.

The fact is that a society cannot survive without a workforce. If the workforce becomes complacent, soft, and solely consumeristic-- the members of that workforce begin to resent those in managerial roles who are needing their productivity. Society is set on a course of decline.

The final words of this chapter are almost chilling in the light of the recent economic actions of our government to shore up private companies. Listen to Weaver's thoughts:

"So long as private enterprise survives, there remain certain pressures not related to mass aspiration, but when industrial democracy insistently batters at private control, this means of organization and direction diminishes. Society eventually pauses before a fateful question: Where can it find a source of discipline?"

I have to ask myself some questions, too, after reading this chapter.

• How can I, as a city dweller, maintain the link between work and reward?
• Am I only a consumer, or do I actively contribute toward the benefit of others?
• Do I shrink from struggles, or do I have the larger outlook that struggles are the very forces that discipline me and make me a fit, contributing member of society?
• How can I teach my children the discipline and reward of hard work?
• Who are my heroes?

I may explore some of these thoughts on future posts, before I go on to the next chapter in the book. Important stuff!

Tilted

This tree picture prompts the memory of a lovely thing, something enjoyed just last month. I had my morning devotions two days in a row beside this strange tree. As I read the words of Psalm 1, words which describe a tree planted by streams of water, I could see the living embodiment of the poetry right before my eyes.

Usually, I think of a lovely tree as being straight & symmetrical. This one does not conform to the standard definition of beauty. It is unbalanced, leaning heavily in the direction of the water. The branches that extend over the shore are short, while the branches that extend over the water are longer, appearing like fingers straining to reach into the cool flow.

I guess my life is a lot like that tree. I've tilted myself heavily in the direction of the eternal flow, actively seeking the Living Waters. That choice has forever ruined me in the world's eyes: I bend away from its attachments and appear rather lopsided as a result.

I am comforted by this scene because this tree is a thing of beauty in spite of its asymmetry.
With arms reaching toward the eternal, the less I want to extend myself to the world and the less I care about conforming to its standards.

Lord, make my life such a thing of beauty.

Leisure & the Educated Mind

"Peace of mind, solitude, long stretches of concentration, have become luxuries almost beyond reach. We express this very inadequately by saying that we are 'frightfully busy just now.' Deep down we know that the condition is permanent for all who cannot afford the blessed relief of a nervous breakdown.

Now the educated as we have known them in the past have had roots in an entirely different soil and breathed a different air. They were products of leisure and independence, of established institutions and quiet maturing. They contributed to others' enjoyment of life by sharing with them the pleasures of conversation and friendship and spoken wisdom, but enrichment of the mind was the chief concern. The enterprise was deemed legitimate. Whatever was done to earn fame or money, from winning battles to farming estates, the doer was not so bedeviled by it that he lacked time to engage in the fundamental activities of the educated, which are: to read, write, think, and converse." ~ Jacques Barzun

I learned recently that Jacques Barzun is over one hundred years old! Surely then, his words about leisure and quiet maturing are worthy of a second glance. He's had the time to test them out.

I fondly remember my first reading of historian Jacques Barzun's work. It was the very large tome he is best known for, From Dawn to Decadence, a history of the 1500's to the present. We had many a wonderful afternoon together, Jacque and I, as I read his book while sprawled out on a blanket under a tree. It took the whole summer.

Leisure is not something I easily carve out for myself. When I do, like as not I will feel a little guilty about it. After all, there is always another load of laundry to fold, or a phone call that I need to return, or a floor that needs swept. But when Barzun speaks of the "frightfully busy" condition as being permanent, I shudder. That thought provides me with enough resolve to put aside the busy-busy tasks and "breath a different air."

The short term reward is recovery of breath; rejuvenation. The long term reward is that I gain an education.

To read a book deeply is to "put my roots in a different soil" and to "breathe a different air." I can glean wisdom from great men and in fact share the very air they breathe. Spirit is "breath", and the written word enables me a living connection with men of far-flung locale from any generation.

The four activities that Barzun says mark an educated person are all word-related:

*READING
Most Americans probably read a lot: the back of the cereal box, the billboard on the way to work, the news blog. The problem is that we have become accustomed to mini-snippets and unaccustomed to the "long stretches of concentration" to which Barzun refers. Those long stretches require scheduling.

As a parent, I also feel a responsibility to assure my family's ability to read and concentrate in a focused manner. Jane Healy's books have convinced me that TV, movies, and computer usage should be severely limited before a child has the capacity to read fluently. Even after fluency is achieved, it remains prudent to be vigilant. The mind is lazy and loves to be coddled with passive information rather than to be challenged by deep thoughts.

Here are my own current reads:
Ideas Have Consequences
Money, Possessions, and Eternity
Savannah
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Coleridge

What are yours?

*WRITING

From personal journaling, to blogging, to writing Sunday School Curriculum~~ writing is the thing that forces my rusty brain to get in gear and get to work. The best writers normally schedule in daily time to practice and do not wait for the "mood" to strike. Writing is learned by jumping in and DOING it. Sometimes, I like to do my high school kids' writing assignments alongside with them. It's instructive and sharpening.

William Zinnser, in his book Write to Learn, contends that the linear, step-by-step process of writing enables us to learn difficult subjects. Think physics or calculus or whatever else you might find difficult. When grappling with a knotty problem, tangles are often cleared up when I write about it.

*THINKING

Writing and thinking are closely connected. Clear writing produces clear thinking; or is it the other way around?

One uniquely human attribute that we have is the power of will to direct our thinking. To CHOOSE what I think about is an aspect of self governance that I suspect will take a lifetime to truly master. I can and I ought to take my thoughts captive. Sometimes I have helped myself along by speaking or reading aloud, or by writing my thoughts on paper.

We also have the ability to store up beautiful memories, songs, and stories in the treasure chest of the heart. Whenever we need something uplifting to think about, those gems are waiting for us to retrieve and to enjoy again.

*CONVERSING

A person who is an avid reader will never fail to have imaginative ideas as fodder for good conversation. My recent reading of Benjamin Franklin's biography comes to mind here. His reputation as a conversationalist was largely due to the fact that he made regular investments in his reading habit. Barzun, in the above quote, notes that conversation is a pleasure that adds enjoyment to the lives of others. I like the other-centeredness of that thought. We all know people who love only to hear their own voice.....that is another subject!

What living ideas have you recently gleaned from your reading that would make for lively conversation? Don't make the mistake of thinking that no one else would be interested. It's usually safe to infer that if it interests YOU, it will also interest others. Take a risk and start a conversation!

OK, I'll take my own advice. I just highlighted a quote in the book Money, Possessions, and Eternity:

"The very expression 'financial independence' may be blasphemy."

Say what?

That is a bold statement that is sure to get people talking!

In case you are interested, as I was, in the "why" behind the statement-- here it is:
When I am financially secure, I don't really sense my need for God. To have a lack in some area may be a blessing. In fact, that gap in my supply may be engineered purposefully by my Sovereign to keep me mindful of my dependence on Him. Why is it that we usually equate material blessing with God's favor? It may be just the opposite, keeping us from drawing near because we are self sufficient.



It's Sunday evening and a whole new week stretches before me. I'm so glad that for now I have wrenched myself away from that which keeps me "frightfully busy." Thank you, Mr. Barzun for your example of quiet maturing. If I live to be 100, I hope that I, too, will show evidence of that same maturity borne of masterly leisure.

Melody sans Braces

It was a red-letter day when Melody got her braces off!! I promised her I would take her for a professional photograph. I am ashamed to say that I have not done that since she was.....gasp....
five? six?

As it turned out, I did not have to take her to a stuffy photography studio. Our sweet friend Mikaela, who is in her senior year of college majoring in art, volunteered to do the photos.
Isn't this one great?
Braces, recitals, birthdays......little milestones on the path of life.

Ideas Have Consequences Chapter 5 "The Great Stereopticon"

If you have ever seen the play Our Town, you will probably be humming the old hymn "Bless'd Be the Tie that Binds" for several days. There was a time in history when the tie that bound people together in community was religion. When that tie is broken, we are fragmented and left grasping for artificially generated projects that will keep up our community spirit.

Richard Weaver, the quintessential conservative, says that the liberal's solution to fragmentation is to

"let religion go but to replace it with education".

Not just the education of youth in the classroom, either. He means the day in, day out indoctrination of the entire citizenry through every channel of life and entertainment available. Weaver has dubbed the machinery that makes this possible "the Great Stereopticon" and it includes the press, motion pictures, radio, and T.V. (he wrote in the 1940's before internet).

Do you view new technology as progress? When a new device becomes available and affordable for home use, do you evaluate what it will take as well as what it will give? I confess to being sensitized to this type of critical thinking only very recently. I need men like Richard Weaver and Neil Postman to help me evaluate the choices.

As an example, take the newspaper. The pre-selected news articles are carefully arranged and worded to grab our attention. The press is something Americans are typically very proud of. It gives us information, disseminates issues and ideas. But what does it take from us?

Weaver contends it has taken away the art of discourse. Because we are passive recipients of information , we usually do not actively engage in serious discourse with others on these issue. Plato said that truth often leaps up between people engaged in discourse "like a flame." That doesn't happen when we each read the issues silently and alone. Discussion is minimized, deep reflection is discouraged because of the sheer number of ideas and articles to which we are exposed.

"...the decay of conversation has about destroyed the practice of dialectic."

The press has also taken away our modest sensibilities, sanctioning the romantic ideals of emotion and sensation. The dark, the gruesome, and the depressing articles take precedence over all else because that's what sells newspapers.

John Adams wrote, at the age of 70:

"I have given up newspapers in exchange for Tacitus and Thucydides, for Newton and Euclid, and I find myself much the happier."

I haven't entirely given up the newspaper, but I have given up the evening news and TV and I'm spending that time reading more deeply. I agree with John Adams-- meaty books contribute to my happiness. My husband is farther along than I am on this path. He can read the greatest book, the Bible, for three hours at a crack. And do you know what? When we are both reading substantial books, I find we have fodder for the most interesting conversations! I have experienced Plato's thrilling "flame that leaps up" when a truth is uncovered in the course of discussion.

Weaver's criticism of movies is a little different from what you have come to expect from most conservatives. Rather than to criticize the raw language, the sex scenes, and the violence, he zeroes in on the marring of the hero-image. The role models on screen he describes as "egotistic, selfish, self-flaunting, flippant, vacuous-minded." Virtue requires examples of highest quality and those models are not, he says, being promoted in the cinema.

Radio/T.V. is the third part of the stereopticon. Radio is inescapable, a "cheerful liar". The tragedies of the day are delivered in polished monotones.

"This is the voice of the Hollow Man",

dead to sentiment. Radio provides one-sided conversation, a conversation monopolized by one partner and rendering the listener mute.

The stereopticon brings a constant barrage of the cynical, the brutal, and the negative. How does this affect our psyche? It chips away at our very souls and it cuts us off from the past.

"Technology emancipates not only from memory but also from faith."

but

"The man of culture finds the whole past relevant."

How can we find relief?

• From nature
• By returning to primary data: good books
• By remembering the enduring forms, the great universal ideas of the ages
• By turning away from the brutal and sentimental

It's an upstream battle. I think Weaver would have been encouraged by the homeshool movement, had he lived long enough to see it. Many homeschool families I know have turned off the TV or severely limited it. Nature studies are a standard part of homeschool curriculum. And of course classical education may be a small minority, but it is still very much alive.

This chapter has strengthened my resolve to be one of the minority.

Book Review: A Year Without "Made in China"

I should have written this book. Though I have never engaged in a formal boycott of Chinese imports, I have been married to a man who, for 31 years has challenged me to buy American products. This is not because he has a vendetta against China. No, it is rooted in concern for the United States of America, her self-sufficiency, her economic health, and ultimately her sovereignty.

My husband tends to go a step farther than did Sara Bongiorni, who authored the book that tells of her year's experiment. Sara would buy merchandise from any country but China; my husband scouts out American products. While it makes the thrill of the hunt more exciting, it also makes targeted purchases more elusive.

There was the year my son needed a bike. The Preacher spent countless hours scouring the city for the one with a "Made in the U.S.A." logo. He found one. Exactly one. One that had big scratches. One that, sadly, literally fell apart the first time my son rode it. It was almost like being mocked, "Take that for your loyalty!"

Last year, it was the microwave oven that needed replaced. Our city boasts one of the largest appliance marts in the country, so we started at one end of a long avenue of microwaves and worked our way to the other end, confident that we would find the American product we were looking for. The sales clerk followed us each step of the way, proudly enumerating the virtues of each oven. My husband patiently listened to each spiel and then would open the oven door, look for the country of origin, shut the door, and move on to the next one.

I knew what he was doing. The sales woman did not. By the time we came to the last model, my heart was sinking because the chances of my walking out of this place with a new microwave were looking pretty slim. The lady was nearly out of breath, having given us every pitch for every model.

Politely, my husband said, "Ma'am, do you realize that not a single model you have shown us was made in our own country?"

She arched her eyebrows, looking incredulous. Then SHE opened each and every oven door, just to verify his statement.

"I never would have believed it! You're right. I have learned something today," she said as she walked away.

I was glad to have added to her education, but I WANTED A MICROWAVE.

As we were leaving, the Preacher spied an "orphan" microwave around the corner, all by itself. It was a Sharp model and it bore the proud words "Made in the U.S.A."

SOLD!

Sara Bongiorni has a whole year's worth of stories like mine to tell, but she's a better writer and has the knack of making their predicaments sound very funny. I think the fact that both she and her spouse had a sense of humor greatly enhanced their year long experiment as they had to go without Chinese toys for their young children, tennis shoes, seasonal decorating items, and ink cartridges. I laughed out loud several times while reading, feeling our sisterhood on this issue a little too keenly at times.

One incident that was particularly humorous was her husband's inability to find sunglasses. The alternative was an Italian pair for $150---definitely not in the family budget. So this resourceful man dug out his ski goggles and used them. She likened him to a horse with blinders---too funny!

What did this family learn by the end of their boycott? That it's next to impossible to buy electronics, lamps, tennis shoes, even candy canes without patronizing China. That young children are NOT damaged when they are denied cheap, poorly constructed Chinese made toys.
That other alternatives are often available if you take the time to search them out.

How did it affect their finances? Sara figured that many of the items they bought from countries other than China were more expensive. BUT, they saved a lot of money by buying fewer items and passing over the cheap "junk" that is so enticingly displayed at every turn.

This was a fun book with a serious point, and Sara writes with sensitivity. She was very respectful of the Chinese culture, but like me she feels uncomfortable about the power they are attaining over us economically. She didn't try to win others to her way of thinking or act self righteous because of her choices. It was all presented as a grand experiment.

Sara and her husband decided that in the future they would purchase Chinese products when there were no other reasonable options. She felt that they had been sensitized to the alternatives and that the habit of making thoughtless purchases had been broken. This in itself is a sane achievement in these days of economic turn down.